Staring at the Paper – Writing a Best Man’s Speech

So you’ve been handed the poisoned chalice of being Best Man. Along with organising the stag party and the number of duties and tasks you now have to perform is that one thing that most men fear when it comes their way. Writing a Best Man’s speech.

While standing in the pub, pint in hand and surrounded by your brothers in drunken arms you might have the impeccable comedy timing of Billy Connelly and the simmering sting of the late great Lenny Bruce when it comes to actually writing a funny speech it’s a different kettle of rubber chickens. Suddenly you’re not feeling as much of a chuckle brother.

I want this to be perfect

Hours can often be spent staring at a blank piece of paper hoping for inspiration, trying to find the defining words that will sum up the big day whilst trying to find enough humour bullets to fire at the best man while you give him a true comedy roast in front of his nearest and dearest. But try not to go too wild and crazy, if in doubt then get help, the last thing you want to do is upset the bride’s family, remember it will be a mixed
crowd so what might have the lads at work cracking up probably won’t be appropriate for the groom’s Aunty Ethel. Your speech should have you carried shoulder high by cheering groomsman while bridesmaids look on adoringly, not bodily ejected by the bride’s angry brothers while her mother scowls at you and the bride herself starts plotting the sort of revenge that would make Loretta Bobbit wince.

But where do you actually begin writing that speech? Well there are 8 basic phases to the perfect best man’s speech that will make sure you cover all the topics and observe all the traditions that fall within the bounds of the best man’s speech. If you follow this tried and tested format then you’ll already be on the path to success;

1. Opening. Start with a gag to get an early laugh and relax yourself and your audience

2. The formal bit. Reply on behalf of the bridesmaids, ushers, etc. Compliment the bride’s parents on the great day and their hospitality. And compliment the bride.

3. Introduction. Introduce yourself and your relationship to the groom.

4. The Roast. A few gags or a relevant story at the groom’s expense.

5. Words of wisdom. Offer some words of advice or insights into marriage, this is a good place to deliver some killer jokes or quotes.

6. Time to be nice. Before you wrap up and now that you have given the groom such a hard time its then time to offer some sincerity and best wishes for the future.

7. Postman. Read out any messages or cards from those who couldn’t make it on the day.

8. Toast. Finish your speech by asking everyone to stand and raise their glasses to the newlyweds. This might have been done by the father of the bride but no one will mind toasting the happy couple a second time and it’s a great way to bring your speech to a close.

And if you still need more tips or some killer gags you can get more help at;

www.simplythebestman.co.uk